life’s too short to walk in straight lines.
as of right now i am thinking of doing it. in 4 days? idk. but right now. i might. ehh i mean i wrote more than 2000 words yesterday. but that was stream of conscious mostly. so i mean. if i need to have a plot idk if i can do it. but kristina horner makes a good point. i mean God knows i’ve started a bajillion other things that didn’t end well. why not one more attempt? hopefully i won’t use this as a reason to procrastinate. i needs plot. you has em? and i spent a buttload of money today. stupid sale.
i like to point out the awkward because even though it makes it more awkward. at least the awkward is out in the open. no one likes trying to avoid an elephant. at least now we can acknowledge the elephant is there and be awkward in the open together. trying to confine the awkward is no fun. we must embrace. or else nothing good can come of it.
if i didn’t know better i might think that these are tear stains. but it’s just cause the tears never stopped falling that these spots are still here.
and empty calories. okay maybe not empty. they were filled with good deliciousness. but only when it was still warm. now it’s coagulated yuckiness?? erm so yeahs. i got panda again today. but this time there was green stuff……. covered in a saucy heartattack. also at ackerman they have shrimp chips. blowing money on food and cute things ftw.
sometimes when i’m drinking water the ratio of which i swallow the water compared to the rate of change of the angle of which i am tilting my water bottle isn’t so constant so water ends up dripping down my chin onto my shirt. so the world can identify the girl who cannot drink water nicely.
it’s that feeling when everyone has gone. and the dirty dishes fill the sink and the half drunken beer bottles are scattered atop the counters. the air has the feeling of emptiness like the life has been sucked out of it. like all the people whose breath once circulated the room have all left. the balloons are hovering on the ground. still wavering from the shifting of the air from the movements of the people who are no longer there. like you don’t remember the party. like it all happened when you turned to get the drinks. and now all that’s left is the cleaning and the emptiness. this is the party that i’ve been waiting for.
did something. but only people who can stalk are worthy enough to experience the wonder. happy hunting. good luck and God bless. will it be worth it when you find it? probably not. :] <3
rain, sprinkle, drizzle, misting, pouring, shower, condensation, wet stuff. yeah yuh know. water in the sky.
okay so this can go one of two ways. i can either be on a tumbling high for a while and then begin to dwindle, have my life become a crazy ball of shtuff and totally abandon this forever and ever. or i can become completely and utterly addicted to this and drop out of college and become a lower class hobo without a degree [but with a tumblr].
i wish there was a way to find middle ground. but there isn’t. it’s completely hopeless. my future is looking bleak. :/
the night between wednesday and thursday i did not officially go to sleep. for reasons that make sense to me but probably not to most level headed people.
but that is besides the point. the point is that between huge blocks of chemmage i finally took the time to sort through the 200+ emails i had acquired from various societies and clubs here at ucla. remember, when you sign up and they say they’ll only send you 1 email don’t believe em.
so after 3 weeks of putting it off i finally got my inbox to be unbolded. YES. seriously. everyday i go to yahoo feeling like a weight [of 200 emails] has been lifted. i like it when things are at 0. it lets me breathe easy. like every time i open my inbox i don’t cry a little inside. :] IT FEELS SO GOOD. yeah. i can log on without feeling scared.
equilibrium and clean slates. can you feel that? zen.
yesterday i spent an hour on bruinwalk passing out ‘flyers’ [actually they were bookmarks, with nothing too informational on em…] for Beyond the Wall. but thank the lord they were having a sale [buy 3 get a 4th free] so i pretty much i spent an hour yelling ‘poster sale’ nonstop.
let me tell you about some of the people. they pretty much all fit into one of these categorizes.
-the techies: these people are reallllly into their electronics. with their ipods up all the way so they ‘can’t hear us.’ or the oh i’m realllly into this ‘text’ and all my attention must go into replying. or the i’m reallly into this phone call that oddly enough only lasts from the start of bruinwalk to the end of it.
-the no thank yous: this ranges from the smile and head shake. to the no thanks. as far as the rejections go these people are my favorites. [cause i’m one of them]
-the focused zombie: these people are so zoned into the end of bruinwalk that they can see or hear anything that’s happening around them. head faced forward. eyes straight ahead. these people are all business. you could jump out in front of them and you’ll never get a no thank you out of em.
-the serpintiners: they will take the road less flyered. zigzagging to the left and right of bruinwalk. doing anything to avoid being offered a flyer. sometimes the serpintiners cross over to the whatevers [see below] when a flyer finds their way to them. most likely they’ll cross over to the no thank yous.
-the whatevers: if you take the time to put a flyer in front of them they’ll take it. it’s a whatever. i’ll toss it later. they won’t take the energy to try to avoid you.
-the sympathizers: these people have had the misfortune of passing out flyers before. they know how it feels. they’ll take one if you offer. you can usually distinguish the whatevers from the sympathizers by their facial expression. the whatevers, well you can guess what their facial expression says. the sympathizers usually have a smile that says ‘oh i wish you luck in getting rid of that stack’
and for my particular case there is another group.
-the geniunely interested: followed quickly by a genuine disappointment. like i said before the flyer had nothing on it. it was just a bookmark. so to the people who were drawn in by my sirenlike call of ‘poster sale,’ sorry.
i would say i passed out about 35. probably 11 to whatevers, 11 to sympathizer. and the other 13 to the gi’s.
so i know. you’re asking why are you even doing this??!! i like free stuff. i like kids. i got posters :] of little kids. they be going on my wall.
nonononono!! this is actually a good thing! cause now my daily quota of cute kids will be fulfilled before i even get out of bed so you won’t have to be worried about me creepin!! you see! it’s actually a good thing.
-within the first three weeks i learned that ackerman has wireless and i can make noise and eat. plus the constant buzz of the people is surprising not as distracting as i thought it would be. i might drop by the library every now and then, but ackerman’s where it’s at yo.
-not even halfway through the first quarter and i already have 2 overdue books :/ sadness that there’s no time for reading. if i ever find out where to return books i’ll be ultra blue that i have to give em back books that haven’t probed my mind.
-t/th:: astrobio pop quiz and chem quiz. they happened. why spend time typing about it?
-today i bought panda. yesterday cheetos. i promise i won’t ever again. just yesterday i lacked sleep and there was that quiz thing. and today…… the dining hall was far away. plus i hadn’t had breakfast…. yeah that was lame. leave me alone. it’s not like i can take it back. /eaten.
-this week i’ve fallen asleep with my contacts in. twice. it won’t happen again i promise.
-this week i met a girl who gave me the even answers for chem and ALL the answers to physics. she’s also really into charlie brown. and her roommate has all the hp books on her shelf and a dr who poster on her wall.
-i sat next to throat clearer again today. it hasn’t gotten less annoying. but at least he didn’t bug the professor [too much] today.
-do we work hard today to make a better tomorrow? or did we work hard yesterday to make today better? or must we do both?
i was here when the sun went to bed and i will be here when the sun awakes. making up for all the times the sun has looked after us in the long hours of the day. i shall keep watch over the night. the moon is a flitty little thing. it cannot be trusted. sometimes it’s there. and sometimes it’s not. no fear mr sun. i am here. watching over your people for you. sleep in peace.
[oh and in case you didn’t know it’s a play on heyhihello.]
so umm today on the way back from the dining hall we heard blaring music. no not rap. disney. yeahh thaz how we rolls.
or we will be forced to when the time comes.
today didn’t go too terribly well. except for one teenytiny part. which wasn’t too incredibly awesome. but yeah. off to do chem so tomorrow will be a good day.
i wish i could draw. or paint. or write music. i mean aggressively typing out my feelings works most of the time. but sometimes it doesn’t. it’s also nice to, after you’ve let everything go, to look at what’s been created and have it be more visual or auditorial than words on a screen. not that i’m not completely grateful. but if i could write poetry or sketch or something. it’d be mega cool. that’s all.
is a language all in it’s own. and i’m not so sure anyone can translate it. i mean we can try. but it’s by no means as easy as googling ‘english music translation’ i think it’s kinda of like…. the episode of Grey’s Anatomy when Izzie helps the Chinese woman’s daughter outside the hospital and even though she can’t speak Chinese she still gets what the mom meant. or maybe. music itself isn’t it’s own language. but an entire different set of linguistics.
haha i guess this is my way of saying: the music talks to me. but not in a crazy way.
alex goot. i wanna speak his language.
have yet to start book: 28
physics: 3 more problems
chem: don’t wanna talk about it
gym count: 3? if that.
letters made: 4/5
letters sent: 0